I always forget that drinking coffee makes me really anxious. until I remember. until then I’m just like…? why the fuck am I freaking out over going to class?? but then, I remember. but I’m still freaking out? boo

in the soft honey light of morning,
the exposed underbelly scales of the koi
created a strange sensation in my stomach,
a weakness at the delicacy and translucency of the white flesh. 
the tail was gone now, taken by someone,
and all that was left was the submerged head and unseeing eyes,
sleeping among the lily pads and moss.
and other koi, living ribbons in water,
softly ate the body of their companion, 
all the young like coy moving shadows against their forefather’s skin. 
unapologetically, they look at me and say,
"we must get all we can."
I do not begrudge them this meal 
for I am as hungry as they are for my world,
and I would devour it whole, underbelly and all,
if I could manage it.