Anonymous asked: you were thinking about transferring earlier this year? are you going to? p.s. you are so pretty

Yeah, I’m definitely transferring, or at least not returning to this school. I’ve just been accepted at Boston U, so if nothing else I’ll likely enroll there but I’m still waiting on others. 

 and thank you so much. that’s very sweet to say. <3

i can’t breathe. I’ve been gasping for breath and I know that I’m getting enough oxygen but it doesn’t feel like I am. My sternum aches from all the expansion and contractions and I feel like I’m drowning on shore. 

I always forget that drinking coffee makes me really anxious. until I remember. until then I’m just like…? why the fuck am I freaking out over going to class?? but then, I remember. but I’m still freaking out? boo

I know that Heidegger’s tautology is purposeful and that his circularity is the result of a different pattern of thinking that he finds to be more perfect but I sometimes hate it. Like, “The work moves the earth itself into the Open of a world… The work lets the earth be an earth.” (Origin of the work of art) Or better, “How the world worlds.” (Being and Time). 
maybe it is the flawed language we use and shit but you DON’T MAKE SENSE. ugh ugh ugh 


fuck freud. i’m not doing this reading. I will sit in class and be very very quiet. 

something there is

I’m aching with needing something,
soul bruised in a thick, sad way. 
my hands are submerged in 
dripping moonlight and my throat
is whispering lies and then closing.
I can’t find my way back to tears
anymore, though I can find the path
to the need of them. 
I miss something, desperately. 
but I can’t tell you what that something is. 

I am having a terrible day. I feel slow and far away and preserved, like I’m living in a jar full of molasses and all I can see outside the glass is vague sunlight and all I can hear is that sort of murmur you hear underwater in a swimming pool. My heart aches, and my head feels like the channel full of static that you turn to before pressing play for a movie. When will the movie start? I’m sleeping with my eyes open now and though you see me here, I am physically present in only the strictest sense of the term. 

I sat on the lawn at school today for about an hour and watched the sun set, or more specifically, I watched the shadows grow and move across the grass and then across my skin. I watched the sun move, and the dark swell, and it does so slowly. Past a freckle on my leg, slowly creeping up to my knee. I sat and watched little gnats buzz like living dust motes in the ever shrinking beams of light. And I thought that the enveloping and incipient night would make me sad but it didn’t. it was fine. I was fine. 

sorry boys, the only dating I’m interested in is consolidating the proletarian class